THEY’RE GONNA KILL FERN BRITTEN

Everybody everywhere in the world,

They got a plan that I overheard,

Somebody somewhere gonna say the word,

And then they’re gonna move so fast that they’ll be blurred,

You may not believe me ‘cos you’ll say it’s absurd…

But they’re gonna kill Fern Britten.

It won’t be for anything she done or said,

But they’re gonna steal up to her when she’s in bed,

Gonna take a big knife and cut off her head,

Gonna write on the walls in her crimson red,

Hail to thee Satan, now the bitch is dead!

These are my conclusions to which the clues have led…

They’re gonna kill Fern Britten.

Don’t die!

Fern, baby, please don’t die!

Don’t die!

Fern, baby, please don’t die!

I went to the police, told them what I knew,

‘Bout how everybody everywhere wanted her slew,

They listened to me politely, asked me one lump or two,

Then took away my belt and the laces from my shoe,

And off to the asylum in an ambulance I flew.

It was then I had the proof…

They were gonna kill Fern Britten.

I spend my days just like Terry Waite,

Lying by the radiator, planning my escape,

I only hope I make it before I’m too late,

And Fern is condemned to meet her very grissly fate,

I write her daily letters which they file in a crate,

But I’m an avenging angel with a pumping heart of hate,

I’m planning how to kill them, using Fern as the bate…

I’ll kill everyone in the whole wide world – to stop them killing Fern Britten!

Don’t die!

Fern, baby, please don’t die!

Don’t die!

Fern, baby, please don’t die!

Great Victorian Inventors #3

Isambard Kingdom Brunel was born in 1820,
If he invented one iron railway bridge, he invented plenty,
He had this great big hat,
They said he looked a twat,
So he gave it up for Lent-y!

Found this in a Third Reich era Xmas cracker

Q: Who was Hitler's favourite general?
A: Guderian.
(Good Aryan.)