Dhalliwal: MadAss: Read by M. Reynard

MadAss

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Phrases of the Moon #7: Ursula Andress

"I found her in a state of Ursula."

Bough's Breakfast Blog #2

"Russell 'Capricorn, this is you, Frank' Grant is a one-off. We have an exhilarating time each morning after the 8.30 news giving each other a whacking."

Bough, F., Bough's Breakfast Book (London: Weidenfeld & Nicholson, 1984), p 74.

Pierce Morgan

New public service remit broadcasting on Five. Each week members of the public attempt to hit Piers Morgan with a succession of sharp instruments.

Episode 4: The joust.

Ben Nerys

New heartwarming romantic comedy for Sunday nights on BBC 1. Ben Fogle stars as Ben, the rugged, manly head of the Fort William mountain rescue team, and local cross-dresser, whose unnatural tendencies are a cause for high drama and high jinks in the Highlands.

Cliffhanger meets Tootsie, meets Monarch of the Glen, goes round for tea at Take the High Road, pops in to see Touching the Void, before bumping into Supergran on the way home.

The Apprentalist

New business-themed-reality-TV-gameshow-come-mental-health-initiative for BBC1, following the granting of emergency powers to Lord Sugar under the new Mental Health (Restraining Orders) Act 2010, passed through hastily-scheduled all-night sittings of the Houses of Parliament. Each week, a motley collection of hyper-excitable and pathologically earnest wannabe business bell-ends, carefully screened for their unsuitability for social life in the modern world, are put through their business paces in the attempt to unearth who has the greatest business flair for business - and capacity to withstand MI6-unapproved levels of mental cruelty. Each week Lord Sugar calls the budding business bodies into his business boadroom, and gives them a good business talking to until he finally pushes one completely over the edge, at which point he tells them - "You're sectioned."

Phrases of the Moon #6: Charlotte Church

"And today we welcome Malcolm into the bosom of the Charlotte."